I didn’t get rich by signing checks. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.

Please do not offer my god a peanut. Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. I was saying “Boo-urns.” Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.

Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn. You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2. Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds!

Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. You’re going back for the Countess, aren’t you? I meant ‘physically’. Look, perhaps you could let me work for a little food? I could clean the floors or paint a fence, or service you sexually? I was having the most wonderful dream. Except you were there, and you were there, and you were there!

A true inspiration for the children. Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. We’ll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we’ll go home. And then the battle’s not so bad? I’ve been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?